Stress.

You know you have those days where you literally can't take anything else? Good news or bad, you just have hit your quota and need to be shut off? Here I am and that's me. I am the kid at the Country Buffet whose mom let her go up to get her own food for the first time. I have a little bit of everything from the buffet whether it tastes good or not, and on my way back to the table I drop half of the food because it's piled so high on my plate. Then I go back to my seat and cry.
For any of you who know about the TTC process, you can prob. say that it's a long hard one. One that's lasted 14ish months for us so far. You know the dread of the week that AF is supposed to come, and praying she stays away. Then 2 days after she is supposed to come and you think your dreams are confirmed, she reminds you who is boss and decides to come after all. I have been doing pretty good and keeping stress aside and just trying to live day to day- but today I hit my head on the ladder that people compare me to. Apparently I am not allowed to be stressed out, and It's my own fault that things happened ect. And they are allowed to have all that, but no not me.

It seems that when something unhappy- or bad happens to me/us, we don't get treated like others. When we got married all we heard were, " You guys are too young, your going to ruin your lives and end up hating each other" , and " Why aren't you having a wedding? Your family will never forgive you for not having one and you'll look back and hate your choices." Not, Oh we are so happy God told you who you are supposed to be with and you are so in love and waited for each other, and that He told you guys what to do.
We get orders closer to home and get, " Well not that your only 6-7 hours away we don't have to bother with visiting because you'll come home more" Not the , Oh since you are closer we can come spend more time with you. We have a miscarriage- this was the worst one, what did we hear? " Oh, you had it because you guys made a genetically deformed baby, and it's better off you lost it because you wouldn't of been able to handle it or be happy." What the crap??? Can we just for once get a break and have people actually try to be understanding to situations and hold your tongue?? Do you not think before you talk? Thankfully there were the select few who did stand by us and not say completely rude and stupid things, but the harsh things people messaged me about our miscarriage and said to me will always out weigh the good because of how harsh they were.

Now that it's been 9-10 weeks since people seem to think that I forgot it happened and can shove things in my face. Yes, please share with me about how we were only a week or two apart in pregnancies and your birthing plans while I sit here and wish that I was still pregnant and thinking about the same things, and how you feel bad that you are making me upset/sad, but no continue to message me links about things you are looking into. And don't worry about my husband,and tell me that he was never touched by loosing our first child. Don't tell me that I have to deal with the " loss" on my own. First of all- I didn't " misplace" my baby, therefore i did not " lose" it. God graciously adopted our angel, i did not " drop it out of my vagina". And as for my husband. I thank my lucky stars that he is 100% behind me through thick and thin. Taking care of me still to this day with hugs and words of encouragement, and taking time to understand me. To tell me that he has no emotional attachment to all of this? I don't know how your husband treats you and your hard-ships but I thank my lucky stars and Praise God that my husband stands BESIDE me through it all, and has such an amazing heart as to understand me and my feelings.


End rant.