The days roll

I feel like so much has happened since I last wrote. I have been spending a lot of time with my best friend H and her beautiful baby boy as she is getting ready to take a trip for a few weeks/months and my days are so confused!

Things are going better for me. I have this weird inclination since the miscarriage that God is going to give us our first baby this year and that it is going to be a girl. I honestly could care less what sex a baby is- or how hard delivery will be.. I am just ready!
This evening I started cramping- It felt like a cyst but also felt like when I had my miscarriage. It's exciting to me to get my period because that means once I get it we can start trying again- but at the same point it's very emotional still. It's hard to have all of the same feelings ( cramping- bloated- chest hurting) because it just reminds me of what happened. It honestly scared me at first when I woke up and my chest hurt to lay on- and then with the cramping.. I almost forgot that there is not humanly way for me to be pregnant right now so I can't be having another but it just brought back the emotions in a wave! Thankful God has been really good to me and I'm much more moved on than I thought. I'm still very upset but I'm trying to stay really positive. In my thoughts and with what the doctor said ( even though no one knows God's plan) They say I should be able to conceive very quickly so that is what I'm holding on to. But in the same aspect I don't want to set myself up for disappointment if May rolls by and I still am not. It's very hard to find my middle ground.
Well I'm done blabbering for this evening! <3