Please treat them differently.

So after reading an article one of my TTC after Miscarriage friend's added to our group ( http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/41mFVH/www.babble.com/pregnancy/my-pregnancy/coping-with-miscarriage-pregnancy-secret/ ) It really made me think more about the ladies who have to suffer through a miscarriage. It's so true when she says,
" As a society, we let ourselves believe the lie that miscarriage is a minor event in a woman's life. "It happens all the time," people tell you, as if knowledge of its frequency will put the loss in perspective. (Imagine giving that same line to someone who just lost a grandparent."

How true is this? To go along with that though she also says, "There are no funerals. No memorials. You don't get sympathy cards and bereavement time. Instead, routines go on, and you take sick days. " Why is that? To a woman who has been trying for months and years to have a child and miscarriage is just as hard as if someone close to you that you have known your whole life has passed away. I got some " i'm sorrys" and some " I can't imagine how you feels" and the true is that they can't. Unless you had to go through the unfortunate event of having a miscarriage yourself then you yourself will never understand just how painful it is.
Ryan and I were only trying for just over a year when it happened to us, but I have friends who have been trying for years and who have had multiple miscarriages. I cannot imagine the pain of more than one.

My point is... do you know someone who has had a miscarriage? How did you treat them? I've had some people be down right rude to me. YES, I have had a callous girl tell me that i was " infertile" and that my husband and I prob. just made a genetically deformed " fetus" and can I please just tell you. I don't believe there is ever a fetus or embryo- it is a baby from the time the sperm meets the egg. How cruel and rude are people! Before I had one myself I felt hurt for the friend who I heard had one, but could never grasp any emotion as to how they felt. Let me just type out exactly how it felt because so many people have no idea.


How would you feel if your child was taken away from you? You think that just because i have not met the child in my stomach means it can't possibly be emotional or bothersome that it has died. Wrong. When I was told that I no longer had that baby inside of me i felt as if someone had just hit me with a bus. My husband and I had tried for what seemed like forever and wanted it so badly and just as quick as you snap your fingers it was gone. All of the hopes and excitements of buying baby things- telling our families. The thoughts of holding that baby in our arms and loving them more than we could imagine- gone. And people treated me as if i just had the flu and was in and out of the hospital for a few days. I won't lie- i have some wonderful friends and acquaintances who made it much easier and helped tremendously, but some people acted as if i had nothing to be upset for.
When it comes down to it- next time you have a friend who goes through this- please give them the sympathy they deserve. Chances are they won't want to be spilled over and constant- are you okay's? But they lost something that they loved and longed to love on a deeper level and won't ever get that back. Pray for them- tell them you appreciate them and their strength. Most woman who suffer through a miscarriage seem as if they are stronger than stone because they don't want people to see them handle it. But when they are alone, they hear that one song they hurt. When they go to the store for the first time after it all happened and see the pregnant people walking around- or the newborn babies with their moms. The hurt inside is bigger than you can imagine.